Sunday, September 23, 2007

Violet skies

I like blogging, I do. But the last few months have been so crazy: traveling all summer and then settling back in, the start of a new school year for Cole and Tim, and me heading up the pastoral search at our church. I am busy with life here, but not exactly the parts I want to write about. On top of all these duties and distractions, so many things that I would share about living in Taiwan resist capture. I saw the most striking hue cast across the low clouds at sunset the other day – a typhoon was passing to the north of us, and our sodden skies had dried just a bit, with clouds like wet cotton absorbing the light and melding the colors into one giant sheet of violet across the sky. It gave a dull glow, unearthly, and completely unphotographable. It just looks grey on film.

In the same way, when I sit down to write I fear that anything I try to put in words will be diminished in the end. I feel like I am drawing from a shallow well, so now I am planning a time to get away, by myself, to fill my reserves. I have months of observations of Nora in my head, waiting to go into her journal; I have pieces of a scrapbook for Cole tucked into various drawers and closets; I have essays, poems, manuscripts, that I want to finish, maybe publish, but no energy to do it all. I forget sometimes that my nature is more introverted than I let on, but I think when I can't write it's clearly time to step away from all the hubbub and give my soul a little rest.

We have a week-long break in October, as Taiwan celebrates the founding of the R.O.C.. I am thinking of places I can go for a day or two, either in the mountains or by the ocean. Somewhere where I can sit and think and write. In the meantime, I am happy to be where I am, doing what I am doing. But I do see that it's not giving back to me as much as I am putting into it. Blogging will resume, eventually, but maybe just not yet.


just Eileen said...

Gosh, I know that "shallow well" feeling. Mine started with the first baby. I remember I used to be funny and creative, but since kids, it has been hit and miss (mostly miss). I'm still slowly adapting (after 6 years) and realizing I have to let go of the old creative and develop it in this new life. Of course, it's hardly new anymore, but I'm a slow (read: stubborn) learner. I've noticed that I'm a slower thinker now, too...must be due to a short supply of mental RAM. I either need to upgrade or install Mind Declutter.

Julie said...

Sorry we haven't connected on the phone. I don't have your number here in NJ or I would call you.

I hope you do get some time away to re-energize. I remember what those days were like when every bit of myself went into everyone else. It's just a period of your life, but no excuse to neglect your inner muse.

I do love you and I pray your time will be sweet and nourishing.

Be free my sister! Fly!

EmiJane said...

Okay...I don't feel so bad about not blogging for the past month. Thanks for making me feel better :)

Hehe...Love you!

P.S. Do you want anything from Turkey? I'll probably ask you on Facebook...and get a reply sooner, I'll assume. :P

<3 from Turkeyyy...